Dr. Patrick J. DiVietri Ph.D. CPC, OCDS
One must listen and talk “well” in order to understand another person. This means that one exhibits certain qualities, which create an ambiance of warmth and acceptance. The listener acts in a way to make the speaker feel that they are accepted and understood. These qualities are mostly comprised of virtues, which express love for the speaker. The virtue that is most expressive of love being the virtue of understanding.
If we want to be more understanding ourselves it may help us to think about someone who understood us and try to remember the qualities we appreciated in that person at the time.
First
Think of a time when you felt like someone understood you well.
- How did it feel?
- How did he/she treat you?
- What qualities did you see in him or her?
Second
Did he or she:
- Give eye contact?
- Have an expressive face?
- Give the impression he or she liked you.
- How did they show they were listening?
- How did they show that the understood?
Third
Was the person . . . ?
|
Quiet/ docile |
Open-minded |
Sincere |
|
Attentive |
Trustworthy |
Generous |
|
Relaxed |
Respectful |
Tolerant |
|
Patient |
Humble |
Compassionate |
|
Kind |
Self-controlled |
Flexible |
|
Courteous |
Forgiving |
Loving |
All of these qualities culminate in a simple dynamic that is at the heart and soul of good communication skills, that is, willing and attentive listening.
Family Life Institute Blog 